Last night the theft of my bicycles finally hit me full force.
Terrible thoughts came to me, and I became fearful of being alone. When I went to bed my eyes refused to close. I left the stairwell light on, but I couldn't decide if it would be better or worse if an intruder were to enter. If it was on, he could see me, but if it was off, then the cover of night would be on his side. My mind raced with different scenarios, and refused sleep.
I clutched the nearest blunt object to my chest - a large crystal point my mom had given me. As I lay in my bed in the faint wash of the stairwell light, I stared at the ceiling and let my mind wander.
In the stillness and amid my fear, I suddenly understood so many things. Why people do the things they do in defense of their homes and land, why there are wars, and why fear is such a powerful driving force behind so many of the horrendous things that happen every day. Laying there in my bed, I imagined what I would do if an intruder were to come.
I felt like a warrior defending my castle.
This night I suddenly had a connection to so many people that I previously had not understood.
I felt, for the first time in my life, that there are so many things worth fighting for. Safety, family, friends, and freedom from people that try to take those things from you. Most importantly, freedom from the fear that those kind of people stir in you.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Random Typings
3 comments:
Berta, this realization came to me when my niece was born. Before then I felt invincible. You wanted to try something with me or my loved ones? Bring it on, I'd kick your ass.
After my niece was born it hit me that there were things I would never be able to prevent. It's hard to try to sleep when all these things are going thru your head but I think, as cliché as it sounds, theses things do make you stronger and able to cope with certain situations when they do happen.
I just wish they didn't have to happen! :o(
Still... be careful!
You are right - there are things that simply cannot be prevented despite the greatest precautions. My philosophy has always been - if its going to happen, it will, qu sera sera.
Now thats shaken a bit and Im leaning more on the preventative side, but I know when the dust settles Ill come back down to earth.
In the meantime, damn right I'll kick anyone's ass if they mess with me, my space, or my family!!!
This entry is really good...
we all have those moments lying in bed, when you have sonme revelation that is so huge and temporarily world-changing.... its so good that you were able to write it down, for safekeeping, on this blog...
when i was younger, I always kept something larger and heavy and blunt under my bed or nearby. and even now... on the occasional night when for one reason or another, I'm expecting a visit from some psycho or something... I definitely keep something on hand.
~~~
And I can't think of the exact moment right now... but recently, I've had that same feeling. that 'some things are worth fighting/maybe dying for' feeling. actually, I just remembered... so expect a short email! but ... anyway i really liked this entry. it made me think, and i think its a good sign, that you feel like you have something to defend in your life. otherwise, life would be no good at all...
Post a Comment