Creativity

I've spent all of thirty minutes packing for my big move (yeah, I'm a slackerrrr). Going through my book shelf, I found an old project from school. Paging through the various entries that were required, I was quite surprised by the way I wrote back then. It wasn't really something that anyone would really want to read. Sort of pretentious, and even stiff in my attempts to maintain the image I was so wrapped up in back then.

Nowadays, at least in comparison, I am much more relaxed about everything I do and have felt comfortable releasing that old image. And with that comes a natural and vibrant creativity. Thats with work, writing, riding horses and even in interpersonal relationships. Creativity meaning creating positive things (what I want), and having the flexibility and presence of mind to deal with unusual situations to create even more positive things.

Creativity, I have found, is something that does not come when there is an image to maintain. For many years I believed that if I just built up a strong enough image, defense, whatever you want to call it, that I would be invincible and I would never be hurt ever again. All those years I spent fortifying this image and confining who I was to its boundaries. And all those years I continued to be hurt, and worse, because I was hurting myself.

Only recently have I been actively tearing down the walls of my image. It took some difficult lessons and a year and a half alone here in the city of Houston. And now, I'm left with a very real knowledge of who I am, and who I want to be. I'm proud to say that this knowledge is my own, and unaffected by the thoughts and opinions of others. I am me....Roberta, and no one else.

Knowing myself, I am feeling more creative than ever. Traditionally, and in the sense of creating the ultimate masterpiece: the masterpiece of my life.