Ending Bullying Starts with You

I've been bullied many times in my life.  First starting with my dad, so I was grew up being conditioned to accept it.  It happened many more times through the years.  After a lot of time and so much suffering and devastation, I figured out how to deal with the offenders.  Unlike the romantic visions I have had of dealing with bullies, the most effective way for me deal with them is usually a long and slow process that has had to do as much with me as it did the bully. 

I'm not alone in my experiences, but it doesn't make it any less painful for anyone.  We all want it to end, especially when we are in the throes of an abusive situation.  Ending bullying starts with you. 

The "you" I am speaking of is all of you...victims, bosses, teachers, witnesses.  Victims, you must learn how to stand up to bullies; you will experience the same thing over and over again until you do.   It is devastating to be bullied.   But you must get up every day, show up, and fight in your own way.  Practice setting boundaries, mindfulness and exploring your inner demons.  Keep forging ahead.  You can do it. 

Leaders, you must actually lead and set a good example, which means treating others with respect and communicating clearly and consistently that bullying is not tolerated in your organization.   An all-too-common attitude is "(the bully) does XYZ for the organization, which is too valuable, so we aren't going to do anything about their behavior."  That is not acceptable. 

Witnesses, stand up for others that are being bullied.  Do something.  You can intervene, tell a leader, or support the victim.  To do nothing is to enable the bully to continue his or her behavior. 

And finally, stop rooting for people who are bullying, but in your favor.  This is critical for a cultural change that actively discourages bullying. 

We can do this together.