Funny Stuff

I made several attempts over the weekend to post, but my writing ability has temporarily broken down. While under repair, here's something for a few laughs that I got in my email today.

This is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an Indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The Bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

11. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

12. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you

14. Glibido : All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

Enjoy!

Slow down!

So far, the last few weeks have been crazy. School, and more school. I forgot how busy I was back when I was an undergraduate student. It never seems to stop, either. Going from classes, to study time, to exercise, to time spent with friends. Penciling in some relaxation time is the only way to get it. Ten minutes to close your eyes here, fifteen to sit outside and have a cup of tea. But then as soon as things get crazier than they already had been, those few minutes are used for more productive activities.

Those few minutes, however, are often the most important of the day. If I even spend a couple of minutes to sit and give myself a momentary perspective check, I'm so much more level-headed and productive. How often I forget this, I can't believe. And every time I go for too fast for too long, it's apparent in everything. My relationships are strained, I teeter on the edge of overworking myself, and life just gets muddy-looking.

Thankfully I've learned to recognize it and do something about it. It's so important to put things into perspective and to remember why I am here. But every time tests come up or a string of assignments are due, it's an extra challenge to get myself to slow down and remember to enjoy the ride. If only I do, things will go so much more smoothly.